People in love make me want to vomit
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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