the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
