he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Randomize
