He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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