Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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