Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
