I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
