I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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