You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
