You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
