Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
