We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize