i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
