i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
