I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
