the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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