He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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