I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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