did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
