Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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