Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
True college students do jello shots in the library
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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