the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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