dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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