Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
