were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize