I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
