You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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