Christians are straight up FREAKS
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
