ya dads aren't the best wingmen
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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