fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize