Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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