Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize