What did we do last night that was yellow?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
