What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
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