I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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