hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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