he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
