Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize