there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
