I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She announced her abortion via fbk
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
