My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
