my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
why do cheetos always look like penises
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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