thus making me awesome and them whores
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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