I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
