im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
