is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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