9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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