The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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