I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
