My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
