rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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