Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
