This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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