TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't deserve a penis
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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