cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i came on her dog
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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