Already got asked if we're dating
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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