There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
