God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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