i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
