and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
