Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
