I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
