she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
