Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Welp...herpes.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
