Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
