worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
