WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
