She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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