I wish i was in the wii world.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
