I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
