omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
