my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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