Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
