I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
