just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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