Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
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