it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
