Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
