at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
