Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
