Plan B is the new Plan A
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
