The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
