she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
