Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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