Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
