Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
