I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
